Hey Dad, I Have A Question (Part I)

Posted by Fresh Start Dad on May 8, 2010 in Humor, Kids, Parenting |

As a single parent, you may no longer have the ability to say “Go ask your mother/father.”  The burden responsibility opportunity to answer all your child’s questions now falls entirely to you.  How you answer those questions will shape your child’s growth and development, and influence the person that they are to become.  Congratulations.

However, the catalysts for their asking the questions, as well as your answers to them, will influence exactly how much their future therapist bills will run.  The question alone may cause you to put your own therapist on speed dial.  So that you can start thinking about the “correct” answers, here’s a brief sample of questions from my life you may get to look forward to as well.  I think I need a drink.


…do you want me to show you how to disable the parental block on the computer/TV/cable?
…why does [my 13 year-old brother] lock himself in the bathroom for so long?
…should I use tampons or pads?
…why is the recycle bin always full of beer bottles after we come back here from mom’s?
     (follow-up) I’m glad you’re not drinking all of it by yourself, but who’s helping you?
     (follow-up) What friends come over?  Do we know them?
…mom said she has a new friend named Steve.  Is he your friend too?
…why don’t you answer the phone when mom calls?
…why do you only park the car on one side of the driveway and leave room for another car on nights that we’re not staying with you?
…why is mom the way she is?
…when did you first have sex?
…when did you start drinking?
…did you ever do drugs at my age?
…why did you marry mom?
…do I have to wait until I’m 18 to choose to live in just one house?
…why are there so many birth control options to choose from?
…can I go out with [that boy you don’t trust]?
…I didn’t think you were going out with anyone.  Why were there condom wrappers in the trash?
is it okay to wash out and reuse a condom? (Nope.  This one didn’t happen.  Just kidding.)
…how do I know when to start seeing an OB/GYN?
…did you start noticing boobs* on girls at my age?
…I was doing laundry and found this pair of women’s underwear, but they’re not mine.  Who’s are they?
…who’s paying for my college?
…do you have any Playboy magazines?
…I woke up at 3:00 and saw you weren’t home yet.  What time did you get home last night?
     (follow-up) what were you doing all that time?

And my favorite…
Dad, why is there a video camera on a tripod in your bedroom?

Got some of your own?  Feel free to put them in the comments.  I fully expect that I will start keeping better track of such questions and statements, and have a part II in the future.  The way things are going, it may be sooner than later….damn it.
*I almost said “tits” just to increase the chance of better search engine hits, but that would’ve been wrong since he actually did say “boobs”.

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