I started writing this on or about Father's Day in 2010. For some reason I didn't finish it at the time, nor did I return to it later. I don't recall it being in my list of draft posts before I moved the blog to it's new home here at freshstartdad.com but here it is now. Since the original title indicated is was simply ramblings, and because there's a bit of background information about me, I didn't want to simply delete it. I'm not in the Father's Day state of mind to add to it, so please enjoy as is, with no warranty, expressed nor implied, my father's day 2010 ramblings.
Father’s Day is typically a day that I reflect upon my own experience of being a father. Not because I don’t appreciate my own father(s), but because the vast majority of my experience regarding a father is my own.
My “parents” divorced when I was 7 and my mother got custody of me. (It was the ’70s, and unfortunately the majority opinion was that mother’s should get custody, unfortunately.) I got to see my dad every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer, but when you have a mother that fills your head with lies about your father she effectively takes away any type of affection you may have for that person. Growing up, I didn’t really have a father, not through any fault of his. He tried to get custody of me so many times, but I always felt very distant from him as a result of my mother’s efforts; I still do.
Cat’s In the Cradle
When the prospect of my becoming a parent came up I was worried. The song “Cat’s In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin would constantly come to mind. This is one song that, if I’m in the right state of mind when I hear it, can still make me cry today: a story about a father who’s absent from his son growing up, and his son in turn becomes absent from his father’s life.
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
Over the years I’ve never gotten any kind of elaborate gift for the day, nothing the commercialization of the day has suggested getting for dad; cell phone, big screen TV, or a new car. This has been in part because the mother of my children never really thought about getting something for someone else — neither during nor after our marriage — and the kids were too young to go out shopping on their own. Having no money was a factor as well.